Grace Is Knowing When To Nuke It

Jumping into art full time is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, I feel completely activated and alive. I knew from the outset that peril and fun are close bedfellows, and that the battle to make this choice work would be a war won with discipline, fortitude, and networking. The most significant skill I still need to refine is one I have been battling for the past ten years.

Prioritizing

It’s not that decision making is hard in the immediate either: when I’m in the zone whether it’s athletic, artistic, passionate, or desperate, I’m good. Survival mode kicks in, and it’s often brain-stem action that saves my ass.

It’s more the lingering decisions…the stale decisions, the broken leg baby zebra on the Savannah decisions…the cute ones…

There is a time to be ruthless, a time to kill with such precision and exactitude that an outsider may perceive one’s actions as careless or wanton…and it’s to our benefit to be perceived that way. They will respect us. Look at the lion, the shark, apex predators, built to keep the jungle and the ocean free from the weak. We are all mystified, scared, repulsed, mesmerized at their function, yet we know the peak predators serve the ecosystem. Just like they can’t afford to waste the energy and *not* get a kill, we can’t afford to waste the energy worrying about feeble ideas. Often these are the “shoulds” getting in the way of the “musts”.

Unfortunately, we aren’t always able to maintain our shark-like, lion-like idea killing to allow for the strong ideas to thrive…and when that happens we have to look to the apex-apex predator, humans.

Culling the herd of ideas isn’t particularly difficult when I know what traits I’m looking for… it’s when both the standard cull and the shark-lion decision making methods have failed…when the number of tasks on your idea list seems insurmountable, when the demands on your time are negatively effecting your wellbeing, when distractions filp-flop to attractions…

The desk-clearing sweep, the throw the cellphone in the lake, fuck-it I’ve got to get my shit together focus that only a nuclear bomb type of change in thinking will fix.

You’re done negotiating and pussyfooting around, the only solution is to turn the key, open the box, and push the big, shiny, red button.

Nuked.

*ah that’s what I need silence, clarity, and peace.

Shout out to Jon Phillips and Colin Gray for the helping nudge.

New Years Resolutions 2002

I found these from my last semester at Cornell University when I was taking 29 credits and applying to grad school. I really had to prioritize, (the first time in my life since the 6th grade that I didn’t have track practice every day) hence my thesis show was named PRIORITIES. I’ve notated the results next to the goals.

1. Stay fit, 165 lbs. of twisted titanium (presently 161)
2. Finish graduate applications (accepted to SFAI, SAIC, and SVA)
3. Graduate (BFA art, BA psychology)
4. High jump 2.18 and constant over 2.06 (2.03m 2004 is my post collegiate PR )
5. Enjoy company of others (This is certainly an ongoing project)
6. Be true when deciding grad school (Um, I was true when I decided to live in San Francisco…SFAI was tough to deal with at times)
7. Thesis show that is amazing (check out PRIORITIES I was very happy with it)
8. Publish results from psych study (I had the stimulus drawings published, you can see what personal projects I was working on in the research section of hypermodern.net)
9. Get good hand care, no nail biting (this has come a long way, but I still bite rarely, especially during basketball season, than goodness for Orbit gum I really like Bubblemint)
10. All sport champions (Phi Delta Theta New York Alpha Chapter was second in 2002)
11. Turntables and DJ gigs. (Never got a gig, but did DJ some parties at CU, and used the turntables I got in my thesis video)